01 Nov Embracing the Silence: Five Years After Losing My Son

Today marks an unimaginable milestone—five years since my son Trevor’s death at 23 yrs old. A heavy haze of emotions surrounds me, reminding me of the love intertwined with the ache of absence. As I sit in these quiet moments, I reflect on the seismic shift that occurred on that day, a fracture that reshaped my very being.

In the aftermath of Trevor’s death, I’ve learned to let go of who I once was. I have become a childless mother—a term that feels both foreign and painfully familiar. The person I was before has vanished, replaced by a woman navigating a world shaded with unrelenting sadness, yet illuminated by profound love. I am learning to move through life differently, carrying a silent buzz of grief while discovering that even in my sadness, I still have so much to offer the world.
Today, I feel paralyzed in time, trapped in the liminal space between the past I once cherished and the present that feels irrevocably altered. Yet even inside the haze of this grief, there exists a radiant gift that Trevor bestowed upon me: his son—my precious grandson. Parker is my saving grace, a reminder that love transcends loss, and through him, a piece of Trevor lives on.
This day serves as a testament to the strength we never knew we had—the will to continue breathing even when life feels unbearably hard and painful. If you find it hard to breathe for yourself, I urge you to breathe for my Sonshine, Trevor Howard Vinson, until you find your way back. His presence, though silent, continually calls me to honor his memory and legacy. Trevor was the kindest person I have ever known, deeply attuned to both his own emotions and the feelings of those around him. He taught me that vulnerability is a strength and that feeling deeply is a gift.
Today, I honor him by striving to be the person he believed I was. Trevor was my biggest fan; his fierce love gave me unconditional support that I now carry in my heart. Trevor’s love for his son, Parker, was boundless, and in the tender moments I share with my grandson, I witness a reflection of Trevor’s spirit—his laughter, his kindness, and the deep sense of connection he shared with the world.

Loss transforms us, but so does love. As I continue this journey today, I embrace my new reality, honoring Trevor not only through my sorrow but also through my resilience. Each breath I continue to take is a tribute to the bond Trevor and I shared (and still do), a reminder that while grief is a part of me, so is unyielding love.
As I navigate this day, I invite you to take a moment, pause, and say his name: Trevor Howard Vinson. Let it resonate in the spaces around you. Breathe for him, and perhaps, in that act, find a thread of hope for yourself.