03 Oct My summer of Darkness Turned Light

During July, August and September of this year, I found myself navigating through a profound period of grief and depression. It was undeniably one of the most challenging times I’ve endured since the loss of my son. Grief is an unpredictable journey, lacking a set schedule, and it tested my resilience in unimaginable ways.

During this time of darkness, I relied on a lifeline that I had created before I knew it would be my lifeline: my years of dedicated meditation practice and the power of mindfulness and breathing. This became my guiding light. In the darkness I allowed myself to feel my grief, to embrace the pain. Each breath moved with my emotions. Breath is both a physical and mental movement and can be powerful.

Even when my body felt heavy and exhausted, which was every day, I committed to moving, if only for a few minutes each day. Those short, physical movements became part of my lifeline as well. It reminded me that even in the depths of despair, the body and mind are interconnected, and movement can be a catalyst for moving through dark times.

Through my haze of grief, I practiced what I teach and what I too have learned, that practicing meditation and nurturing my breath is essential for preserving my mental health. It’s a constant journey, a daily commitment to self-care and self-compassion. Grief doesn’t adhere to a timeline, but by arming ourselves with mindfulness tools, we can find our way back and eventually begin to thrive again.

“Let me be clear and transparent. This did not look as beautiful as it sounds. It was a bloody street fight”.

I showed up as I was to a huge event I had planned for months and which also happened to be the firtsrt live event for Breathe the Movement, feeling as if I had been choked out, with little sleep, and looked that way too. I also continued to do my job and I continued to do my work for others having to literally, at times, lay in the floor and rest between clients. It was hard and ugly. And I made it!

You can too. If you find yourself in a tsunami of grief, remember that you’re not alone. Reach out for support, lean on your practice  of meditation (if you don’t have a practice, start now!), and allow your breath to guide you through the darkest of times. With time, patience, and self-love, a new sense of hope will start to shine.

~Trevor’s Mom

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